Chapter 47
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She could do it.
She'd even managed to seduce Ezekiel, and putting on a nonchalant face for Theodore was nothing compared to that.
Olivia released the lip she'd been biting hard and pressed her lips together once to remove the marks. She put on a straight face, suppressing her emotions. Unlike Laila, this was the mask of a princess she would wear for the rest of her life.
"Don't do that, Theo. Come on, get up."
She grabbed Theodore's arm, and he lifted his gaze to meet hers. His black eyes looked even blacker in the shadows cast by the candlelight.
Olivia was terribly worried that he could hear her heart pounding. She didn’t know if she kept her expression calm. Though she didn’t think her voice was shaking.
She spoke in a normal voice, as lightly as she could, but with as much composure as she could muster.
"It’s dangerous to call me that."
Theodore looked at her in silence.
"Schwaben knows that I am Olivia Ferrill lived in Lutgard castle, and he's probably figured out that my mother was a handmaiden to the late Empress."
"......."
"If you call me that, he'll realize who I really am in no time."
He nodded at that, and slowly rose to his feet. Olivia stared as his full lips moved once, then closed again, knowing all too well how delicately those lips could move against hers, or how much she could indulge without it hurting.
"Olivia."
The name sounded distant. Olivia realized his gaze had slipped away from her again.
It was painful. Whatever her identity, her true self was the woman he called Via.
She lowered her eyes, convinced that Theodore was calling her correctly now, but she kept him hidden deep in her chest. Theodore's light exhalation of air drifted between them like a hot sigh.
"I'm sorry I didn't warn you beforehand. I didn't think it was safe, and I had originally planned to keep my stay at Lutgard completely hidden. That's why I created the identity of Laila."
"Didn't you say that the Duke of Schwaben knew you were Olivia Ferrill?"
"Because things don't always go according to plan. I wanted to wait until I was more prepared to reveal it...."
"You mean after you had the Duke of Schwaben in your pocket?"
Theodore asked and gave her a bitter look that she couldn't tell if it was sarcasm or something else.
"No, I make it sound like an accusation. I know it’s not like that. If you could win the heart of the Duke of Schwaben, nothing would be more beneficial to your reign than that."
"No."
Olivia denied, her voice dropping to a whisper as she struggled to keep from shouting.
"If it were, I wouldn't have hidden my identity this long, and my grandfather wouldn't have brought you here like this."
"...Olivia."
"I'm going to be emperor."
She meant it. She would do whatever it took to get there. It shouldn't be so hard to endure the disgust of giving away her body, after all these years of pretending to love.
Theodore looked down at her in surprise. Instead of groaning like a wounded beast, Olivia raised her head and spoke stiffly.
"I need Lutgard’s unwavering loyalty."
‘Help me.’
That was what she actually wanted to say, but she didn't.
In her last life, she had said it, and the consequences had been disastrous. Olivia knew now that Theodore's methods would not win against the Schwabens.
So this time, she would fight differently.
She would take all the responsibility, and she would make all the decisions. Perhaps she would continue to do things Theo despised, but they were not more important than his life.
Theodore's expression sank to one of calm and dignity. It was the face Olivia knew all too well, the face she saw in her third life.
"My loyalty will always be to you, as my father was."
Olivia took a deep breath. Theodore had said he would give her, with all his heart, arguably the most important thing he had, and with those words, the distance between them had widened irrevocably.
Now he would never kiss her again. The events of that night were scattered into dreams.
And true hearts.
Now all that remained was Olivia, the princess, and that was as it should be.
***
The night was beautiful.
The night sky was brilliant with countless stars, and the Milky Way was a silvery sheen. Every time a cool breeze blew, the scent of lilacs carried from somewhere, mingling with the smell of water, filled her lungs, and she felt as if she had entered a different world from the one she had to breathe in the crowded air.
Empress Lillian walked slowly, the hood of her black cloak pulled down tight, and it occurred to her that she was the only thing in the room that wasn't beautiful. Was she also thinking of the young, beautiful man walking beside her?
Zion Miller was a man who smelled like flowers. Maybe the scent she was smelling was coming from him.
Few people were out for a night stroll along the banks of the Lenos today. So she had the illusion that they were the only two in the whole glowing world.
Lillian found it distressing. The same way the scent of flowers filled her chest, stifling and painful.
"I'm sorry."
"What do you mean, all of a sudden?"
"It just occurred to me."
Lillian mumbled. It occurred to her that Zion deserved to be paid for their time together.
She had some power, but there was nothing she could do for Zion; her dressing table drawers were filled with glittering riches, but she could take nothing out.
Even their meeting was incomplete. Only on days when she had a handmaiden at her side did she excuse herself for a nighttime stroll, and they walked together briefly in the darkness.
Even if they could meet in the light of day, it wouldn't be much of a pleasure for Zion. It would not be something he would be proud of, meeting a woman nearly twenty years his senior.
Lillian couldn't help but think that if she had been a real lady, if she had been the daughter of a powerful noble family, if she had been a noblewoman in her own right, she wouldn't have minded having a lover or two. She could have kissed them in passion, sent them huge bouquets of flowers every night of her performances. She could have taken off her gold bracelets and bought them a house.
But she couldn't: she was made Empress by the power of Schwaben, simply because she was of lowly status and had given birth to a Princess. A scandal would destroy her authority, which was almost nonexistent to begin with.
Fearing that, she could do nothing for Zion.
"I have nothing to offer you."
No patronage, no wealth, no power. Not even her passion as a woman. She could not give him anything he could expect from her.
His steps stopped. Lillian looked back at him questioningly.
Zion lifted his hat, which he wore just as deeply as hers. Lillian was considerably shorter than him, and that alone gave her a full view of his expression.
His face was subtly contorted, part sad, part happy.
“Do you think I’m meeting you because I want something?”
"Oh, I didn't think you were greedy or anything like that...."
"If it was to seduce a wealthy lady and get a piece of the action, I would have targeted a widow with a lot of money, because if I do well, I could be a nobleman."
"Zion."
Zion started walking again. His brisk pace quickly outpaced Lillian. But when she panicked and began to stumble, he slowed to match her pace.
They walked in silence for a while longer. Lillian glanced at him nervously, afraid he might be offended, and then he spoke.
"When I was younger."
"Yes...."
“My family was very poor. Well, that’s the case with all unsuccessful entertainers. My father was an actor that no one would call, and my mother could only play roles that no one would take on. I think my mother wanted him to work as a handyman, but he didn’t, and he stayed home, but he didn’t take care of me either.”
This was the first time Zion had ever told his story.
***
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