Chapter 16
***
Winter had begun. When Amber came to the manor, the capital was in the midst of fall. Byrne’s winters were shorter and autumns longer than those of the Selvre.
She was told to have a meal with the women to see how far her education had progressed during the season. Dining manners were the easiest way to test the basic courtesy of the nobility.
Amber Kaida was Listan Cliffrid's fiancée, and he needed to see how far her learning had improved.
Mrs. Zendle made a short remark and said she would prepare dinner that very day.
“I think she’s nervous around Your Highness,' she said, “and I think it would be best if you can make her comfortable.”
He thought he had taken Mrs. Zendle's words to heart, but throughout the meal the food in front of her didn't diminish much. She seemed uncomfortable in her seat.
Her whole demeanor was tense, both when she came into the dining room and when she sat down to eat. The reason for her nervousness and watchfulness was his presence.
It was obvious that he was the reason, but he didn't think that he had to make the atmosphere comfortable for her. He just checked her education and that was it.
Purpose and goals. It was unnecessary for him to think about anything else.
“She's a good eater for the most part, but she has a sweet tooth for dessert, especially cherries and whipped cream.”
Mrs. Zendle's words flashed through Listan's mind as he felt uncomfortable at the sight of the never-ending food. It was then that he summoned the butler to hurry the dessert out.
He remembered most of Mrs. Zendle's words as a nanny; they were just words that came to mind at the right time, and nothing more.
The younger woman flashed a wry smile as soon as dessert was served. The inevitable wistful look on her face told him that Mrs. Zendle had read her rather well.
The small hand that held the fork worked diligently, unlike the way she had with the main dish.
Her fingers were slender and the fist was small. Listan stared in wonder at the soft, baby-like hands.
"Does Your Highness like cake, too?"
The woman, engrossed in eating, looked up. He could see her discomfort at the question, and he could feel her unease as her gaze lingered on him.
Does he like cake?
He hadn't been asked such an innocent question since childhood.
It was a time he had forgotten, and the woman's words were foreign to him. The corners of Listan's mouth turned up at the childlike question.
"Not much."
Her small mouth opened slightly at the neatly delivered answer. Her eyes widened in disbelief.
The sincerity she couldn’t hide made her unique golden eyes even more mysterious.
"... I see."
The little body lowered its head and became more and more intent on eating the cake. The woman's mood was somehow sinking, but Listan stopped looking at her. He only needed to check on her.
All he needed to know was how Audrey Eckbon had changed and progressed as Amber Kaida, and how far along she was in her endeavors to transform from commoner to noble.
He didn’t need to pay attention to secondary things like her tastes.
His responsibility to the woman before him was to check on her progress toward becoming the perfect noblewoman, Amber Kaida.
The large room filled with still air. Time, moving at its own pace, was the only thing that flowed in the room.
The two who remained in the silence ate their share of food, but at some point, conversation ceased.
The occasional sideways glance was as calm as the air around them.
Whether she realized it or not, Amber still kept her head down.
“Raise your head."
Listan spoke, his eyes narrowing.
The woman, who had been so much smaller than him, looked even smaller as her shoulders and head drooped. Her pathetic appearance touched his sensitive nerves, causing a mild irritation.
"...."
The woman's eyes widened at the unexpected command.
"Keep your shoulders and back straight. Nobles do not bow their heads casually. Maintain good posture wherever you are."
His voice was firm, like that of an army commander. The relaxed, yet commanding tone of his voice stiffened her large golden eyes.
She straightened her neck and back, unable to answer. She lowered the dessert fork she was holding and strained her entire body, her eyes still not meeting his.
Perhaps his voice was too harsh, Listan thought. He was being quite gentle with her compared to what he was used to with his subordinates, but still, to see her so nervous..........
He remembered Mrs. Zendle's worried words about making her comfortable so she could eat, but he couldn't go any further than that. He knew nothing of kind words. He had never needed them.
The trepidation was fleeting.
It didn't matter, he thought, and spoke again.
"Finish your meal."
The words were short, and he lifted his goblet of straw-colored wine.
"Yes, sir."
His hands stilled at her small voice. His gaze slowly returned to the woman, who was already engrossed in eating the cake.
Her eyelids twitched awkwardly as she looked down. For some reason, her cheeks were tinged with red.
Her tone was as stiff as his. She was acting like a soldier who was obeying the commander, and Listan turned his head and started smiling.
He couldn't help but smile, a soundless smile that lifted his lips. He didn't realize how natural it was.
***
Amber ran to the bathroom as soon as she entered her room.
She said she was fine, but obviously she wasn't. The uncomfortable meal had finally gotten the better of her.
"Ha."
She paced in front of the banquet hall, pacing as if she had been running since she had parted ways with the Grand Duke.
Her stomach rumbled and she felt dizzy. The nausea was so intense she thought her stomach would turn inside out, and her legs were shaking with cold sweat.
"Ugh."
As soon as she leaned over the toilet, vomit hit her, and she held the toilet seat for a long time, wrestling with her overwhelmed stomach.
"Miss! Miss Amber!"
A concerned voice called out, and a warm hand brushed her back.
"What's wrong, did you eat something bad?"
Mrs. Zendle, who had come to check on her, crouched down beside the tiny body. She patted the heaving back and swept away the stray hairs.
Amber could hear Mrs. Zendle’s voice, but she could make no reply. After what seemed like an eternity of struggling, Amber slumped to the floor. It was hard to hold herself up, as if all the energy had left her.
She shuddered.
"Was there something you didn't like?"
"No... not that."
His face was pale, drenched in a cold sweat. Mrs. Zendle's face, too, was pale with worry as she ran a hand through her sweaty hair.
"I've been feeling a little unwell since the day before."
"Then you should have told me, so you could have put off eating or changed food."
"It's... it's not bad... I'm fine now."
"You can't be okay when you just threw up."
Mrs. Zendle, who had brought a towel, wiped Amber's face. Pity filled her eyes.
"I’m fine after I threw up."
The smile she tried to force on her white face only made Mrs. Zendle felt worse.
"I can't believe you say you are okay with such a gaunt face. Go ahead and lie down."
"...First... I need to wash up."
Her breathing was as ragged as her energy. The words slipped out of her mouth against her will. The corners of her eyes narrowed in frustration, making her soft features even softer.
"You look so tired, don't you think it would be better to wipe it off with a washcloth?"
"I think I'd better wash it, I'd like a bath."
"Then I'll call Meti, she's not in bed yet."
Mrs. Zendle went out and called Meti, then hurried back into the bathroom.
"Do you think you can get up? If you can't, I'll call Aiden."
"No, I can get up."
With Mrs. Zendle's help, Amber struggled to her feet. It was wobbly, but she managed to hold onto the sink for support.
"If you're in this much pain, you should have told the Grand Duke."
"His Highness?"
The astonishment on her face was a question of how that could be.
"Was I supposed to tell him?"
"Of course, because he's not the kind of man who wouldn't understand."
It was hard to understand Mrs. Zendle's words. The situation at the dinner table earlier came to Amber’s mind.
“Keep your shoulders and back straight, nobles don't bow their heads casually, and maintain good posture wherever you are.”
The moment she heard the Grand Duke's words, she felt like she was a soldier. He spoke as if he were giving orders to his subordinates.
She had never seen the Grand Duke as a commander, but it was easy to imagine him in command of his troops. How could she say she had a hard time with someone like that?
Amber thought for a moment and came to a realization.
She was one of Listan Cliffrid's men. She had been commissioned by the man, and she had been thrown into his plans in his mansion.
Everything was under Listan Cliffrid's control.
So yes, she was his subordinate. One of many. So how could she say it was hard like Mrs. Zendle suggested?
She knew what people expected of her. She couldn’t say it was hard and she couldn’t show it.
Amber felt ashamed of herself for not being able to handle the pressure.
***
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