Chapter 21
***
That night, as Amber lay in bed unconscious, Listan asked Mrs. Zendle.
"Why is she sick?”
“She came to the capital so soon after losing her family, she must have had no time to gather her thoughts, and she’s so far from home, learning so many new things before she’s even gotten used to them. I'm sure it's been hard on her beyond words but she doesn’t show it, and she hasn’t thought to take care of herself.”
So she was bound to be sick. Mrs. Zendle, who had heard the details of Amber's condition from Sophia, spoke at length.
“Then she ought to eat better, and what's to do if she throws up everything?”
His irritation was palpable. It was hard for Listan to understand.
The only person who could take care of her and save her was herself. There was only so much others could do for her. In the end, only you can save or kill yourself.
It was difficult for him to accept the woman's condition because he always followed the routine exactly and repeated it.
Things like sad and difficult emotions were of no use. Having them wouldn’t help.
The same went for tears. It is best to ignore them and let them go if you're going to move on with your life.
It was not hard for Listan, who had always been a person who hated ugly feelings, no matter what they were.
To Listan, Amber’s current situation was downright stupid.
"I don't think it's unavoidable that Lady Amber is uncomfortable with Your Highness.”
Listan turned and looked at Mrs. Zendle at the comment. One raised eyebrow signaled for her to explain what she meant.
She was talking as if he was the one responsible for the woman's collapse. Mrs. Zendle, Aiden, and even Meti, who, despite her bubbly personality, always cowered in his presence, didn't hide their agreement.
All three of them were looking at him with the same thinking.
'His Highness is not kind at all.’
"He's not even affectionate.’
'He knows too little about women.’
'He’s too indifferent.’
'No wonder she's uncomfortable.’
‘I don't think it's unreasonable for the lady to feel sick after having a meal with such a difficult person.’
Mrs. Zendle and Aiden exchanged glances as if they were trying to read each other's minds, while Meti, standing beside them, never stopped shaking her head at Listan.
The sight of them made him want to laugh. So he laughed at the outrageousness of it.
"So it's my fault she was sick?”
“Not at all ah... I don't think so... Lady Amber is the Grand Duke’s fiancée!”
This time it was Meti. The child who had been looking away spoke up as if it was something she had to say.
The emphasis on the word 'fiancée' was unnerving, but it wasn't wrong. Listening was the only way Listan could respond.
Did she mean that he should care about Amber because she was his fiancée, albeit publicly?
There were countless others who felt the same way, including the Arcana. The Amber Kaida was the means to their end. No one attached emotion to a being that was only a weapon, albeit an important one.
That was why it was hard for Listan to understand the reactions around him.
"She's a person.”
Amber Kaida was a person, not an object. Therefore, her emotions were her own business.
The words were met with another round of indignation.
“Of course, Miss Amber is a person, and you should be more sensitive to her.”
“I know she’s doing a great job, but I can't imagine how hard it must be for her. If it were me, I'd be crying and screaming that I couldn't do it, I'm sure!”
Meti was speaking up now. Listan looked at Aiden as if he were his last hope.
“...I'm thinking the same thing.”
Aiden, who was usually quick to voice his opinion, hesitated strangely. Seeing the blush on his face, Listan let out an amused chuckle.
I thought he wasn't interested in women.
Listan’s gaze shifted to the bed, where the woman, drenched in a cold sweat, was breathing heavily. Rico watched her calmly.
Amber Kaida. Audrey Eckbon.
He tried to recite the woman's name in his mind. He was momentarily confused as to how to react to her, and he felt a little overwhelmed by the way her eyes were looking at him.
It was a gaze he had never felt from another human being before. He felt an unknown weight on his shoulders.
“She’s under a lot of stress. Even if she eats well, it's hard to absorb nutrients when she’s in a psychologically unstable state. It's hard to digest. She might be relieving her stress with food without even realizing it. Reducing stress and getting some stability is the priority.”
Listan turned his head after hearing Rico's words.
“Let Mrs. Zendle take care of her, you two help her.”
Listan left the room with only a brief comment.
It was not his job to pay attention to the woman.
Thinking back to the small altercation of a few days ago, Listan stopped thinking about it and looked up at the sun, which was high in the sky.
The sun was only beautiful from a distance. The sun was something you could never get close to.
If you got close, you would be blinded.
He turned away from the thought, which had no connection or meaning, and sat down at his desk. It was time to start the day.
***
Ever since Meti had told her that the Grand Duke had carried her after she collapsed, Amber had been on edge. She was still weak and tired, but she didn't care.
She didn't think she could care less about her body. She was living an unimaginably good life, but she knew it wasn't free.
Everything in the world had a cause and effect relationship. If there was a cause, there was an effect, and the effect followed the cause. So even favors had a reason.
Every favor Amber received was for a reason.
She was a means to an end, a weapon for the revolution. It was an enormous weight. More than any word she knew could accurately describe.
So her body wasn’t important.
"You are our hope, young lady, and so many people have been waiting for you, so you must take care of yourself.”
It was something Mrs. Zendle always said to Amber, and even if she didn't say it, the unwavering look in her eyes said it all.
People were unhappy with the current imperial regime, and they wanted things to change somehow. Reform or revolution.
Thinking about the wishes of countless people, Amber couldn't rest for a moment. It wasn't possible. Even for the sake of her mother and sister, she could not allow herself to relax. She couldn't.
Tonight, Amber sat by the fire.
She had been in the same spot since dinner. She hadn't been able to put the book down, even though she'd taken a break from her lessons for the time being. The history of the empire was vast, and the annual noble almanacs were equally lengthy.
There were also many books on the liberal arts, as well as guides to etiquette and other things that a noblewoman should know.
When it came to royalty and nobility, she was ignorant. Amber had never hated her ignorance so much.
As she read, wrote, and memorized, she sighed.
"Ha..."
"Ha."
Stuffy breath filled the air around her, endlessly.
Suddenly, she felt thirsty. She was about to pull the string to get some water. A knock sounded and the door opened before Amber could answer.
"Miss, are you still awake?"
Meti walked in and asked.
"I couldn't sleep. I'm going to read a book."
Feeling like she was about to be scolded, Amber excused herself. Her body might be tired, but her wakeful mind wouldn't let her fall asleep easily, but it wasn't entirely true.
"You should have called me if you couldn't sleep, talking to me is a lot more fun than reading a book, and those books are so boring."
Meti walked over and glanced at the thick, heavy history book.
"But I need to know things. There's a lot of interesting stuff in history books."
It was true. History wasn't just a boring list of stories. There was a lot of interesting and exciting stuff in there, but it was the sheer volume that caused Amber to sigh.
"Aren't you tired? You shouldn't push yourself just yet, but if you can't sleep, do you want me to heat up some milk?"
"I'm thirsty, and you're here, so this will do."
Meti came upstairs to tuck Amber in and offered her a cup of hot herbal tea.
"You should get some rest too, Meti, it's getting late."
“You should get some rest, young lady. You should have gone to bed earlier, but it’s too late again today.”
Meti’s eyes narrowed as she checked the bed, the fireplace, and the windows.
"I know. I'm going to bed too, don't worry."
With a gentle smile, Meti left the room.
Amber took a sip of her herbal tea and lowered her head back to her book. It was late at night, and her mind was easily distracted. She was trying to concentrate on the words when she felt a flash of energy and looked up.
Bam.
Amber's eyes widened at the sound that hit her ears.
***
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