Chapter 3
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The small, shabby house burned to the ground, leaving only the bones. Nothing was salvageable. The bodies of her mother Linda and sister Lena were never found.
In the afternoons, Aubrey would often go for walks near the house, searching the entire neighborhood just in case.
She searched every nook and cranny, from the nearby woods to the creek and the intricate network of alleys, but Linda and Lena were nowhere to be found.
As she was lost in thought about their whereabouts, wondering if they were dead or alive, a realization dawned on her.
There were no bodies.
Audrey pinned her hopes on that. If there were no bodies, they must be alive somewhere.
Perhaps the despicable Dylan Eckbon had sold them because he couldn't handle the gambling debt.
They may be crippled, but they were not missing limbs or immobilized, so they must be useful somehow. Her stomach churned at the possibility. Her anxiety grew.
Now Audrey was staying at Mr. Finley's house. Sophia had just brought her in, unable to leave the burned-out house because Linda and Lena could come at any moment.
The Finleys had agreed to take care of Audrey, who was so vulnerable that she would do anything if left alone.
Sitting huddled behind the counter, watching the sun go down, her tiny face was devoid of emotion, except for the glimpses of a deeply sunken heart.
Audrey struggled not to shake. Unanswerable ambivalence had plagued her since the fire.
She felt pain for the loss of her family, but also a strange sense of unexplainable weirdness.
From the moment she left the bookstore to go home after work, her whole body would shake. Telling herself that she was fine didn't help.
She always imagined that if she closed her eyes once and opened them again, she would be a new person, in a completely different world.
Audrey thought she was such a contradiction: to love her mother and sister and want to leave them. What a terrible person she was.
"Audrey, leave this place. You need to forget about me, forget about Lena, and get on with your life.”
She never cared about what her mother said to her daughter sometimes. With a sick family, what choice did Audrey have? Freedom for herself was not something she was allowed.
To take care of two people and live in poverty for the rest of her life.
There was no other way, so she could only smile at Linda's words. She wanted to leave, but she didn't know how.
At some point, she stopped consciously thinking about it. Wishing for something would only make her more aware of the cruel reality.
For that reason, words that she used to take lightly were now carrying a different weight.
Linda's words filled her head and her heart sank. It was as if she was responsible for their disappearance or death. That they had left because of her daughter, who wouldn't listen to her when she asked her to leave.
The thought never left her mind. She must find her mother and sister. But she didn’t know where or how to start.
Mr. Finley's close neighbors offered to help, but they were just as confused as she was.
The information available to the poor commoners was pitifully limited. When Mr. Finley said he would try to find the two people, she was both excited and reluctant.
In a small village, everyone was busy trying to make ends meet. It was hard to find the time or money to help someone. And when you think they’re dead and there's no hope in sight, you're slow to help.
"We'll look into it. Take care of yourself and eat well.”
The words were there, but not the look.
'Don't get your hopes up.’
The unspoken words were easily conveyed. Audrey didn’t know. Many people had seen Dylan Eckbon in the house before the fire. He was a bit of a celebrity in this small town. A piece of human garbage.
So there was no hope.
"What's the point of having a spare room? Someone should use it, preferably you.”
‘I’ll be able to study with Ryan, and I won't have to travel all the way back and forth.’
The Finley family graciously offered her a room after she lost her home.
Sophia took her into her arms, her face covered in tears of pain, and said, "You should be grateful to them, and you should try to cheer yourself up.”
As long as she thought that, she couldn't stop working. Even if she lost her family, she would still need money and a place to stay. Unless you're dead, you need those things.
"Audrey."
A gentle voice broke the deep silence she'd fallen into. Ryan entered through the back door of the bookstore that connected to Mr. Finley's house.
Tall and ruggedly built like Mr. Finley, Ryan bore an even closer resemblance to Sophia.
His gray eyes, like his mother's, held a warmth that made Audrey smile.
"Ryan. When did you get here?"
She was so deep in thought that she didn't even realize someone had entered the room. It would have been rude if it had been a customer instead of Ryan.
"Just now. I need to clean up."
"Yeah. Just close the door. I've already organized the shelves and just finished checking the sales."
"Good work. I'll do the rest. You go in first."
He closed the window and opened the door, pulling the table and chairs under the porch inside. The cloudy, damp sky looked like it would sprinkle rain all night.
"Let’s go together."
Audrey stood in the doorway.
"I'll be fine then."
She smiled brightly. Ryan, her only friend, was also her teacher.
He taught her the things he learned in school, recommended endless good books, and gave her pencils, paperweights, and bookmarks as gifts.
One day he saw something pretty on the street and bought one for her, and a few days ago he bought a whole bunch of stuff for her daily life from a store that was going out of business because it was cheap.
He was the kind of friend who would give anything away, labeling it a birthday present or something for no reason at all so that Audrey wouldn't feel burdened.
After a final check of the bookstore with her eyes, they headed for the back door. Before she opened it, Ryan called out to her.
"Audrey."
"Yeah?"
"...Are you okay?"
Her eyes widened in surprise.
During her stay at Mr. Finley's house, Audrey had held back all her emotions.
It wasn't that she was used to it. It was just that she was so grateful that they had taken her in when she had nowhere else to go, and she didn't want to show weakness.
Late at night, when she was alone in the room they had given her, she fought back tears. She was afraid her sobs would pierce the silence of the night.
They didn't.
Ryan's first words to her after the fire, which had seemed so normal, were so different, so unremarkable, that they brought tears to her eyes.
".........I'm okay."
"Really? Are you really okay?"
"...."
"Audrey. You know you don't have to pretend to be okay with me."
His voice was soft, but somehow stern, and it sounded so sweet that a tear fell from her eye. She couldn't stop them.
"Cry if you want to."
As soon as his voice stopped, the tears slid down her cheeks.
Her sweet friend. She didn't want to show her tears in front of someone she cared about, but she couldn't help it. Inside the paper-scented bookstore, Audrey cried for a long time. Ryan could only stare at her as she sobbed.
His hands trembled, but he kept them by his sides, unable to bring himself to wrap around her small shoulders.
Only his broad shoulders, hunched down, cast shadows over her head.
"Instead, Audrey. Cry only in front of me."
It was long after her sobs had ceased that she heard Ryan's voice again.
The downward-facing face slowly lifted. Leaning forward, Ryan locked eyes with Audrey. His golden eyes were like molten gold, dazzling and unreadable.
"Never cry in front of anyone else."
"What do you mean?"
She asked, her face filled with transparent tears. His precious Audrey.
Ryan smiled, holding the small face still in his eyes.
"Because it’s ugly. You have no idea how ugly you look when you cry, and only cry in front of me, because it's perfect for teasing."
Ryan reached up and touched the corner of her eye. It was a gentle, seemingly indifferent touch.
***
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