Chapter 98. I'd rather you kill me
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Ihedia was waiting for Kayan in the dining room of the West Palace again today.
She had received word that they would be dining together today.
The table was set with Elmir’s food, just as it had been during her stay at his mansion.
The palace was overflowing, not just with food, but with all the precious things he had sent.
But Ihedia was not entirely happy about it.
Instead of hiding her away in the palace so that no one could see her, Kayan brought her things that he knew she would enjoy.
It wasn't a favor that came from a pure heart of caring for her.
It was more like a morbid obsession, born of a twisted sense of possession.
Sometimes he seemed like a child starving for warmth and love.
When he was with her at night, he was impatient, like someone with an unquenchable thirst.
He wanted to impregnate her as soon as possible.
Until then, nothing seemed to satisfy his insatiable need.
"You're avoiding answering me again today.”
His consideration had allowed her to live in comfort again, but her heart was as fragile as cracked glass.
Ihedia had been trying to tell Kayan about her situation, but it hadn't been easy.
She had tried to explain what had happened to Hashad for the sake of her brother, who was imprisoned in Elmir’s basement, but direct talk was still impossible.
However, the pain of speaking indirectly about forbidden subjects was not as severe.
Perhaps her near-death experience in the labor camp had opened a gap in the solid spell.
So she tried several times to initiate the conversation, trying to get him to listen whenever he came to see her.
The frustrating thing was that Kayan refused to hear it.
If Ihedia was worried about Evan and asked about Elmir’s situation, Kayan would cut her off, assuming she still wanted to get away from him.
The same was true when it came to Adeline.
Adeline was believed to be Hashad's child, and Kayan hated to even hear the name come out of Ihedia's mouth.
He wouldn't even allow her to see her daughter's face at the time being.
Ihedia was imprisoned in the West Palace, unable to see if Adeline was alive or dead.
If Kayan suddenly changed his mind one day and harmed the child, she would never know the news.
She broke out in a cold sweat just thinking about it.
Whenever she asked him what he intended to do with Adeline, Kayan blatantly avoided her gaze.
Each time, Ihedia was plagued by a deep, unfathomable anxiety.
She had to stop Kayan from killing his own daughter.
Just that, please.
Her thoughts had gone that far when Kayan appeared.
He sat down across from her.
Ihedia's expression was set in stone, but Kayan didn't care.
No, he pretended not to care.
He knew why she was making that face.
"You're getting skinnier and skinnier, and if the food is not to your liking, we'll have to change the chef."
"You don't have to."
Kayan sliced the meat and placed it on Ihedia's plate.
It was something he did habitually whenever they ate together.
Ihedia stared at Kayan without picking up her fork.
Kayan ignored her gaze and took a sip of the wine.
When he lifted his lips from the glass, Ihedia's mouth opened.
"Please let me see Adeline."
"They have a bad taste in wine tonight."
"Master Kayan."
"I suppose such fine liquor is not their strong suit after all."
"Take me to Adeline..............."
"Put this away and get me something else."
Kayan interrupted Ihedia, jerking the flask at the courtier waiting beside him.
"If you're going to kill Adeline, please execute me as well."
"...."
"Because I won't be able to live without her anyway."
Kayan looked into Ihedia's eyes.
Ihedia looked as desperate as a person clinging to a cliff.
Every time Kayan saw that look, it made him angry.
It was only natural for a mother to search for her child, but Kayan could not tolerate that.
The child was Hashad's blood.
He hated that every time Ihedia mentioned Adeline, he was reminded of Hashad.
The thought of Kayan’s future child and Hashad's child competing for Ihedia's love made his blood run cold.
If he executed Adeline in the end, Ihedia would despise him until the day she died.
Knowing this, he had kept her alive until now.
He had vowed not to stoop any lower to win Ihedia's heart, and now he was back to square one.
He had never seen Adeline's face, but if he saw even a glimpse of Hashad in it, it would be hard to hold back the killing.
The mere thought of Ihedia dying with his child like this was enough to fill him with anger.
Ihedia had chosen Hashad over him, and that made him feel bitter.
He even thought about taking the child as his own if it was the result of Hashad's cruelty.
It was a genuine thought.
But the moment Ihedia chose to stay with the bastard instead, a fierce fire had been kindled in his heart that had haunted him ever since.
He couldn't understand why, even under these circumstances, she would sometimes shut up when Hashad's story came up.
Even though she knew it would make him feel worse.
She didn't even try to make amends.
If she had, he would have been fooled into believing she was being sincere.
"Don't try my patience."
Day by day, he grew more and more angry at Ihedia, who was going against his wishes.
But now he'd forgotten how to direct that anger at her.
He felt like he would explode.
He stood up from his seat.
"I'd rather you kill me."
What a selfish woman, who didn't give a damn about him.
Ihedia didn't seem to be backing down today, either.
He clenched his fists and exhaled a deep breath.
Then he stormed out of the dining room.
***
After their tense conversation, Ihedia began to distance herself from Kayan.
She wouldn't even make eye contact with him when he came to visit.
As a result, Kayan stopped coming to the palace, vowing that this time he would not swallow his pride.
But as time passed, her resolve began to waver.
He knew it would happen eventually, but he hadn't expected it to happen so quickly.
As the days grew longer without holding Ihedia, his heart felt like a rock pressed against his chest.
If he didn't see the wolf pup inside her soon, he felt like this anxiety would never go away.
He wanted to keep Ihedia by his side forever, even if it meant breaking her maternal bonds.
At the same time, he wanted to tear Hashad into a million pieces for daring to give her his child.
When he heard reports that Ihedia had not eaten for days, he had no choice but to leave everything behind and head for the West Palace.
But he paused at the door of Ihedia's bedroom.
The conversation he would have with her if he went in now played out in his mind.
If he didn’t let her see the child, she wouldn't relent.
She'd ask him to kill her instead, and she'd turn his insides upside down again.
Kayan turned to the chamberlain who had followed him and gave a blunt order.
"Bring the child to the West Palace."
Kayan glanced toward Ihedia's tightly shut bedroom, then added.
"But let her eat first."
He turned away, bitter.
***
"Adeline!"
Ihedia burst into tears at the sight of her daughter, whom she hadn't seen in months.
Adeline, who had forgotten Ihedia's embrace, burst into tears.
The sight made Ihedia cringe for a moment, but she couldn't hide her joy at being reunited with her child.
Even if it was only a brief reunion.
"It's been a long time, lady Ihedia."
Garel greeted Ihedia with wide eyes.
She took her hand.
"Garel, I'm glad you're safe, and thank you for all the care you've given Adeline."
"Of course."
Garelle skillfully soothed the crying Adeline.
She patted her a few times and the child quickly calmed down.
In her absence, Adeline had grown up.
It was only a few months, but it felt like years.
Ihedia looked at Adeline, remembering Kayan, who had finally granted her request.
Garel spoke calmly.
"Adeline is doing well, with no ill effects. Sir Doa still comes to check on her whenever he can, and sometimes he makes her some toys to play with."
Doa had been a lifesaver for Adeline.
Ihedia shuddered to think what would have happened to her if he hadn't stepped in.
He may still be angry at her for betraying his master, but she owed him a debt she'd never be able to repay.
"Sir Doa is a sweet man, and I'm only sorry that I’m not able to see him, as I've been unable to escape the West Palace, but would you please thank him for me?"
Garel nodded with a gentle smile.
"Yes, it's not often that you find an Anut warrior with as much compassion as Sir Doa, and he did say that he would ask His Majesty to try and save Adeline's life........."
Garel trailed off as she gave Adeline a penetrating stare.
The somber mood made Garel look apologetic.
Adeline's eyelids were now closed.
Carefully, Garel placed the child in Ihedia's arms.
Ihedia held her precious daughter tightly, her eyes closing and opening softly.
"I have heard that the new Emperor favors you, Lady Ihedia, and that is very good."
“I am living a very comfortable life thanks to His Majesty’s grace. However, I always feel uneasy because I seem to have put him in a difficult position because of me.”
Ihedia may be imprisoned in the West Palace and unaware of news from the outside world, but there was no way she didn’t know the predicament she and her child had put Kayan in.
Sparing the traitor's consort and child would have been enough to draw the ire of many of Rakil's followers.
Perhaps it would be better to leave the palace and live quietly with Adeline, somewhere out of prying eyes.
Though that would not be possible because of Kayan's desire to keep her locked up in the West Palace for the rest of her life.
"Still, His Majesty is a descendant of the holy Hirpus, so no one would dare to go against his will. Also, if Lady Ihedia also conceives a child of Hirpus’s bloodline, the angry public sentiment will be somewhat appeased.”
Garel spoke soft words of comfort.
Ihedia looked a little puzzled, unable to grasp the meaning.
"Hir... pus?"
"Well, since you’re here, Lady Ihedia hasn't heard the story, but His Majesty is Hirpus, the black wolf that is the spirit of Anut."
At that moment, Ihedia's heart sank with a thud.
Naturally, her first thought was of Lucas, the black wolf who had always been waiting for her.
Then Lucas' blue eyes naturally overlapped with Kayan's.
***
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