Misfortune 93

Chapter 93

****

Sponsored by Virginie. Thank you ❤️ (6/10)

***

What caught her eye was none other than a piece of lace that had been left behind. She had never let it out of her hands until she was imprisoned by Roan.

It had been left there all along, yet she couldn't fathom why it suddenly caught her eye now.

Of course, it didn't really matter.

After all, those lace pieces would remain unfinished forever. There was no longer any need to complete them.

‘But why isn't there a need to complete them anymore…?’

At the thought that had suddenly crossed her mind, Delnia suddenly shuddered. A fleeting spark of clarity flashed in her previously dazed eyes.

‘What am I thinking right now……………….’

Delnia grabbed her head as if she were about to tear out her hair. Then she began desperately trying to recall recent memories.

The news of Marian's death at the Beauvais Convent, Sophie's wailing as she blamed her for not being able to be there at the end, the unmarked grave of her mother who was never buried in Belfort, and Sophie's final farewell.

Then, suddenly, the memory of the belongings of Marian that Sophie had left her flashed through her mind. Along with the fact that she couldn't remember where she had put them.

‘I hope I didn't throw them away.’

Before she could feel disgusted with herself for being so helpless, Delnia hurriedly got out of bed.

Whether it was because her mind was racing ahead of her body, or because it was her first movement since returning to Blois, she collapsed in front of the drawer after taking only a few steps.

Instead of standing up straight, Delnia frantically opened the drawers within reach.

Fortunately, the drawer where she had kept stationery and ink contained Marian's belongings intact.

Delnia exhaled in relief, then paused as she reached to close the drawer. She stared down at the unopened letter, still sealed in its envelope.

She realized she hadn't opened the letter yet. She still didn't know why.

Lately, she had begun to feel like a complete stranger to herself. She couldn't understand it, but there was nothing she could do about it.

Not being able to speak was another example of that.

She had kept her mouth shut before. But back then, it was clearly her own choice.

Now, however, even if she wanted to speak, no sound came out. It was as if her body was rejecting her will.

Captured by a sense of dissonance, as if she were at odds with herself, Delnia picked up the letter as if in defiance of herself.

She then opened the envelope without hesitation and unfolded the contents under the pale moonlight.

“….”

But before she could read it properly, Delnia’s eyes began to dart wildly.

Unlike the envelope, which bore her name neatly written, the handwriting in the letter was so messy that it was difficult to make out.

The crooked letters vividly conveyed the pain Marian must have felt at the time. Just imagining how much force had been exerted on her hand made Delnia's own fingers ache.

However, what was most shocking to Delnia was the fact that Marian had left such a messy letter.

‘Even if the ink smudged a little, she would tear up the letter without hesitation.’

Delnia was suddenly overcome with fear at the thought of Marian's determination to leave behind a letter she would never have tolerated under normal circumstances.

"How could you, of all people, resemble that wretch who ruined our family? How could you, how could you do this to me!"

At that moment, as the harsh reproach from the distant past flew at her, her hand tightened around the letter.

The first line, written in relatively neat handwriting on the crumpled paper, suddenly caught Delnia's attention.

[To my daughter, Delnia.]

My daughter.

It was an utterly unfamiliar title. Usually, Marian referred to her in writing as the heir to the family or the future of Eperne.

Yet here was such an intimate address.

Mesmerized by its strangeness, Delnia began to read the letter slowly.

[I apologize in advance if this letter is somewhat disjointed.

I picked up the pen in a hurry, but I don't know what to write. When I think of you, there are so many things I want to say, but when it comes down to it, it feels like there's nothing I can say.

Perhaps it’s been like this my whole life.

Delnia.

To be honest, I don't think I could love you.]

At that point, Delnia found herself holding her breath.

This wasn’t like Marian's suicide note.

It was a self-confession that scraped the very bottom of life.

[To trace its origins, we’d have to go back to a distant past, perhaps to the beginning with your father.

But that has become too painful for me now.

All I can say is that it was a fateful encounter we should never have had.

If it could have been dismissed as merely a regrettable blemish in life, something purely negative, that would have been enough.

But you were there.

When I first locked eyes with you, I was undeniably swept away by a love so wondrous it seemed to defy the world.

But just as no happiness in this world can last forever, my love for you also withered away.

The reason was simple.

You were so much like me, yet not like me at all.

Because you, who resembled me, also resembled that man.

Still, I tried to hold on to my resolve. I vowed to erase all traces of that man from you and raise you as my own child.

When you followed me closely, it felt like I had succeeded to some extent.

But there was one crucial difference.

You were born very healthy, just like that man.

It’s strange. I’m your mother. If my child is healthy, there should be nothing more grateful than that.

But I couldn’t feel that way.

Instead, as I grew weaker day by day, watching you bloom more vibrantly each day, I even began to doubt whether you had been born by stealing my vitality.

Of course, a true mother should be happy about that. They say a mother is someone who would give up her bones and flesh for her child.

But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t think that way. All I could feel was growing fear that you would come to resemble that man more and more.

But it’s strange. The more I feared that, the more I saw that man’s features in you.

That’s why I wanted to be a harsh mother. I believed that was the only way to truly protect our family.

That was my entire life.

Then, one day, I lost everything, and under the shadow of death that had suddenly approached, I looked back on my life and finally realized.

How foolish it all was.

I thought I would resent the man who ruined my life until my last breath. But as I approached the end of my life, strangely enough, even thinking of his name felt like a waste of time.

And the one who filled that empty space was you.

That’s when I realized. What remains at the end of a person’s life is ultimately love. For me, that’s you.

Even though you resemble that man, making me hate you, and even though I resent you for seeming to devour me and fly away...

Still, how could I not love you?

I could not not.

Delnia. My daughter.

Please don’t waste your life on meaningless hatred like I did.

Of course, even without me saying it, you will surely live well. At least better than a mother who was unworthy of being a mother.

You were a child full of love.

I will love you until my last breath.

Though our family may have vanished from the world, you remain my proudest and final Eperne. I wish I could say this to you in person. But my time is so limited.

If I end up leaving without saying it, please forgive me. And forget about it.

Not for me, but for you.

I have already done so.

Your loving mother.]

Tears fell like raindrops onto the letter.

Delnia hadn't even realized she was crying, was startled and clutched the letter tightly. Her shoulders trembled slightly as she held the letter close.

She couldn't say she had never resented her mother in her life.

She hated her mother for always finding her father in her, no matter how hard she tried. There were many moments when she vowed that if she ever had children, she would never be like her mother.

There were times when she had confidently declared that she would leave her mother behind and never look back, never feel any longing. But.

"Perhaps it would be better if you stopped disciplining the young lady. You're always making her sick, you know."

“There’s no one else to teach that child, so I have no choice. I don’t know when I might suddenly disappear, so she needs to be able to take my place.”

"Don't say such scary things. Just give orders and don't look in. I'll take good care of her anyway."

"Sophie, stop saying such things and just apply the ointment properly. Use the one I got this time."

"Of course. I apply it generously every night, so it's healing well. Marian, you should take care of yourself first."

She knew that her mother had ordered Sophie to apply ointment to her every night after the harsh beatings.

She knew about the footsteps that sneaked in like a thief after she had fallen asleep from crying.

She knew the mother's desire to pass on everything in case she were no longer in the world.

There were times when she wished such love had never been given.

Nevertheless…

Nevertheless, it could not be anything but love.

****