Misfortune 106

Chapter 106

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"Here, take this to the lady yourself."

Roan, who had been eyeing the dark, murky water suspiciously, raised one eyebrow at the unexpected suggestion.

He hadn't visited Delnia since she opened her eyes.

He had a reason—he was too busy to even blink due to the urgent situation—but he knew better than anyone that it was just an excuse. He could have made time to see her face for a moment.

Yet he hadn't even accidentally stepped foot there because it wasn't simply a matter of losing face.

He didn't have the courage to face the woman who asked why he had saved her.

He knew he was doing something wrong. Even when facing enemies swarming like ants, his heart remained calm, but now, because of one woman, it skipped a beat hundreds of times a day, and he couldn't believe it himself.

But those eyes, filled with regret at not being able to die, were simply...

"This is made from herbs that are extremely famous in the East Continent. They say there's nothing better for restoring energy. They say it's so effective that it can pull someone back from the brink of death and bring them back to life."

Regardless of whether Roan was boiling inside, Lena continued her chatty explanation, exaggerating a bit like a typical salesperson.

"She has to take it regularly for it to be effective. So brother makes sure to take care of her.”

Lena grabbed his hand, which was too stunned to even think of taking the tray, and placed it on his calloused palm, urging him.

Roan, who had been staring blankly at the tray until then, finally managed to speak.

"…she probably doesn’t like to see me.”

"Of course she doesn’t.”

Lena nodded in agreement as if it were obvious, then added impatiently to him, who had nothing else to say.

"But we can't just keep going on like this."

What was the right thing to do?

Lena didn't know the answer either. Would it be okay to leave the two of them together like this? After hearing the stories of the people who had been dear to her she was even more uncertain.

But finding the answer was not Lena's job. It was entirely up to the two of them.

However, if someone had to push them in the right direction, Lena thought that she was the only one who could do it. So she could only hope that the two people she loved would not suffer too much.

***

Even after Lena left, Roan stood motionless in the hallway for a while, unable to enter Delnia's room. It was obvious that he looked ridiculous standing there alone, but he didn't have the luxury of worrying about that. It was the maid who was staying in her room who rescued him from his statue-like state.

"Huh? Colonel?"

The maid, who was about to go outside, opened the door and was startled to find him standing there like a dead tree. But from the moment the door opened, she was unable to draw Roan's gaze, which was fixed on one spot.

That's why he could see clearly. The woman's face, which turned cold as soon as she saw him.

Even before that, there had been no discernible expression on her face. But the already expressionless face stiffened rapidly the moment she saw him, and her shoulders rose as she tensed her entire body.

As if rejecting him with her whole body.

Then she quickly turned her head and averted her gaze. As if she had never made eye contact with anyone in the first place.

"I'll just get some water, so please wait a moment."

The maid, who had been hesitating between the two, suddenly spoke up. Perhaps feeling uneasy about leaving the two alone, she implied that she would be back soon.

Roan glanced at the maid, who had finally lowered her gaze and was holding an empty water pitcher, and then stepped aside.

Roan entered the room where the maid had hurriedly left, dragging his heavy feet.

Even as he approached the side table, Delnia did not look in his direction at all.

Roan also could not bring himself to look her straight in the eye. He couldn't stop himself from stealing glances at her, but still.

Fortunately, her complexion seemed to have improved slightly since the last time he had seen her. Her posture, sitting upright like a stubborn old woman, was almost welcoming.

But no matter how normal she looked now, the memory of her being pushed to the brink of death was not easily erased.

"So, why did you save me…?"

He couldn’t even bring himself to say the cliché, "Of course I would save someone dying right in front of me."

He would have saved anyone else in her place.

But no one else would have felt the ground crumbling beneath their feet like that.  

He was a soldier. That meant he was all too familiar with corpses. Running through piles of unrecognizable flesh and blood was routine, and he had even closed the eyes of a cold, lifeless comrade with his own hands.

No, he didn't have to look far to find worse wounds on himself. He had been mortally wounded and fought for his life, thinking he would surely die, many times.

But no moment was as terrifying as when he found her submerged in blood.

Why?

Where did this irrational gap come from?

Even when he knew nothing, and even now that he knew everything, why was this woman the exception?

He clenched his teeth, trying to suppress the question that kept rising up inside him.

Roan didn't want to find the answer to that question. It was already enough to dwell on his own sins.

"This is something Lena prepared."

As if trying to shake off the persistent doubt, Roan muttered something into the air.

"She was very worried about you..."

But he couldn't continue. No matter how much he talked, it would only be a monologue. She would never answer him.

Even though they were together, he was utterly alone.

A loneliness unlike anything he had felt when alone seeped into his very bones.

He felt like a creature crawling on the ground, not even worthy of existence. No, he felt like a ghost who didn’t even exist in this world.

His vision darkened in an instant, and he searched for her like a traveler in the desert searching for water.

Delnia didn't even bat an eyelid, as if she didn't care about his feelings at all. Her gaze, which never met his, was the same.

But what was even more frustrating was the fact that there was nothing he could do about it. All he could do was stand there with his hands folded, staring blankly at her.

In the past, he would have dragged her in front of him by force. He would have grabbed her chin to force her to look at him and held her shoulders so she couldn't run away.

He would have used atonement as a noose to threaten her and then freely abused her who was tightly bound.

Suddenly, memories of the past flooded his mind, and he closed his eyes tightly.

He didn't know how to atone for his sins. He didn't even know if there was a way to do so.

"If there's anything you want, just say it."

That's why he sought an answer. No matter how much he thought about it, he couldn't figure out a way to atone to her.

"Anything, it doesn't matter......"

The voice he forced out cracked pitifully.

He wanted to make amends somehow. So he begged for any answer.

Then he could do anything. Really, anything………

“….”

But the woman didn’t give him an answer. Her cold indifference remained the same.

The cold disregard felt like a sharp knife piercing his heart.

But even so, seeing her lying there unconscious was worse than this.

Compared to the moment when he thought he had completely lost her, this pain was bearable.

If he confessed his disgusting true feelings, would she look at him?

He felt suffocated by his own absurd idea. Perhaps she already knew his terrible true feelings.

He swallowed his self-pity, which was rising like bile, and looked at her one last time. 

She had recovered enough to ignore him, and that made his heart ache, but at the same time, it made him feel relieved. 

Then he helplessly turned away. Even with his lonely back retreating, she still didn't look at him.

***

From that day on, the man began to visit Delnia's room every day. 

His task was always the same: to bring her the medicine that Lena had given him. 

During the brief time he spent diligently performing this mundane task as if it were a mission, Delnia never once looked at him. 

It was less a conscious choice than an involuntary physical reaction.

The moment he entered her field of vision, her heart hardened like a stone, her fingertips and toes grew cold, and every muscle in her body tensed up.

As a result, she naturally ignored him. Today was no different.