TPOP 83

Chapter 83

***

Felix spat out the emotion stuck in his throat.

"Tell me you want me."

"Someone else—"

"Tell me you want me, only me. Now."

He couldn't even wait a few seconds for her answer, grinding his molars in impatience.

Diana didn't give him the answer he expected. She never simply nodded her head. Around the crack that had deepened unnoticed, hairline fractures spread like spiderwebs. They were no longer something he could dismiss as mere cracks.

"The smell of blood…."

After muttering something similar several times, Diana slowly closed her eyes. Felix saw despair in her pupils just before her eyelids fell shut. Her collapsing personality was right there, impossible to ignore any longer.

***

Diana realized she was no longer in the sealed room or the Crown Prince's bedroom.

At some point, she had been moved to an unfamiliar place. She didn't know how far it was from the Crown Prince's chambers, nor whose quarters this space was originally meant for, but she overheard the servants whispering hushed words outside the door.

"It was used by Her Majesty the late Empress..."

"It's been empty for over thirteen years. Surely not for that maid—"

"Shh, we must call her 'young lady' from now on. If His Highness were to hear it by chance..."

Every morning, the maids dressed her. They draped layer upon layer of dresses so thin and flowing she couldn't imagine putting them on alone, combed her long hair neatly, and pinned mysterious ornaments into it.

Every single item Diana wore had been personally selected by the Crown Prince. The innate eye of an aesthete never erred.

The maids assisting with her adornment couldn't hide their admiration as they applied color to Diana's lips. Regardless of her origins, she was a woman whose beauty did not fade in the slightest when placed beside the Crown Prince.

Yet Diana herself could not see her own beauty at all. She shuddered only at the humiliation of feeling like a grotesquely made-up clown. Neither the splendor of the bedroom surrounding her nor the lavish meals whose variety grew daily touched Diana's heart in the slightest.

Emile tried desperately to console her.

"When the heat subsides, His Highness will ascend the throne. So you must conduct yourself properly. You absolutely must not become a blemish on him again, as you did last time. I say this for your own sake, Diana."

For her sake? Who exactly? Diana couldn't even manage a hollow laugh.

Who in this palace truly cared about her?

Diana still couldn't drink a sip of water freely, nor open a door alone. When she tried to slip out with the spirit's help to relieve herself, a servant witnessed the droplets scattering on the door's lock and immediately reported the strange occurrence to Emile.

Emile reported it to Felix with half-hearted belief, and from then on, Diana could never be left alone for even a moment.

"...I can't breathe."

She murmured suddenly, sitting blankly at her dressing table.

"My breath... won't..."

"I'll fetch the physician, my lady."

The maid watching over her rose quickly. Diana moaned, fingering the necklace that felt like a noose.

Was this what it meant to go mad?

Diana impulsively leapt to her feet. Hearing the chair crash noisily to the floor, she staggered forward.

The moment she touched the window frame jutting out from the wall, Diana frantically groped for the window. Unusually, the lock wasn't engaged.

As she flung the window open, hot, dry wind slapped her face. Diana braced her hands on the sill and pulled herself up.

Jump.

That thought alone filled her mind. She had no energy left to consider what she'd do after jumping.

She had to escape, even if it meant jumping.

If I stay here, if I stay here any longer...

I'll die.

But the moment she stretched her legs outside the window frame, someone yanked her back down. Diana twisted her shoulders with all her strength.

"Let go...!"

"Diana, stop!"

Ah, that cruel voice. She felt like she might drown in the waves of despair at any moment.

Diana struggled and resisted.

"Let go of this. You can't make me submit like this."

Being here made her feel horribly abnormal.

Diana wildly pushed and struck Felix's chest. Her legs flew out beyond the window frame, the layers of silk fluttering wildly in the summer breeze. The crystals studded along the hem caught the light, sparkling like droplets leaping from the water's surface.

Felix forced Diana back into her seat and slammed the window shut with a loud bang. Diana's gaze and fingertips darted wildly around him, avoiding his touch. Her determination was clear: if she found even the slightest opening, she would break the window to escape.

Felix growled, breathing heavily.

"Have you finally lost your mind?"

It hadn't even been an hour since he'd left her in the bedroom.

Ever since Diana started acting recklessly, Felix spent nearly his entire day keeping her in check. He only handled matters requiring his direct attention in the living room just beyond that door, and he had just received a report of military movements detected in Espiang, in the Count of Montagne's domain.

The moment a loud noise erupted from the bedroom, he immediately jumped up and flung the door open. The sight of her small, precarious silhouette swaying on the windowsill made his mind go blank. This couldn't end well.

"Do you want to crack your skull open and die?"

"I'd rather die. Let me go!"

The window rattled as it slammed against her back. Felix's forehead veins bulged.

He, too, had reached his limit.

If he let go now, it would be farewell to this troublesome little thing. The palace had high ceilings; from the third floor, she’d fall so hard her bones wouldn’t be recognizable.

If he just opened the window again and let this go...

But Felix couldn’t relax his grip. Only a beat later did he realize his fingers were trembling uncontrollably. His heart pounded as if someone had struck his chest with an axe. 

The ominous ringing in his ears sounded like thunder.

He slipped his arms under Diana's arms like handling a small child and lifted her up. Only after completely pulling her tiny body away from the window sill and holding her tightly against him could he finally breathe.

"No."

His heart kept sinking at the sight of the white silk unfurling like a morning glory in the air. Cold sweat ran down his spine. Felix knew well how easily humans shattered and collapsed from even the smallest shock. Few understood it as well as he did.

So this couldn't be right.

This wasn't right.

"You're going to kill me."

Diana muttered frantically. She seemed almost out of her mind.

"You're going to kill me. You're going to kill me alive..."

"No, Diana."

"You already are. Let go, let go. Please. Please, Master. Ah..."

"......"

"I can't breathe..."

The woman, finally drained of strength, buried her face in his chest. Her small back rose and fell with intense emotion.

"Why do you want to kill me?"

It felt like a nail had been hammered into his heart. Felix lost his words.

"I... I never said that, Diana. Why would you think—."

"Why me...?"

Diana murmured as if utterly baffled, then began to cry.

He wanted to ask her back instead. Why shouldn't it be him? A voice as rough as sandpaper flowed from his throat.

"What makes you hate me this much?"

Because I didn't save you from Eisen quickly enough? Because I burned the forest? Because I caused you to miscarry? Didn't I say I'd give you anything you wanted?

It was difficult.

It was the first time something felt this hard.

Whenever the cruelty he was born with flashed in his eyes like a madman wielding an axe, Diana put the brakes on him. This woman wouldn't be tamed by him, wouldn't submit, wouldn't even act detached.

Diana squirmed like a squirrel, constantly seeking an opening to escape. He couldn't understand. How could she feel compelled to leave this place, not even knowing what lay directly before her?

The crack he'd painstakingly sealed opened again. Crack, crack. With an ominous roar.

Felix suddenly realized.

This unsettling noise wasn't coming from within him alone. The same echo was bursting forth from Diana. Much earlier than that, much louder.

Something inside Diana was shattering.