Chapter 5
I Deserve It
Translator: Rae
***
“Ah, about that.”
As he brought it up slowly, Doctor Hibicus feigned nonchalance. He had submitted the approval request, but the air raid had made him forget about it entirely.
“Come to think of it, I haven’t heard whether it’s been approved yet. It seems to be delayed.”
“What? Why? Those things are usually approved right away.”
Doctor Hibicus gazed firmly at Asili.
He had tried several times to persuade her to reconsider, but she had stubbornly held her ground. While he admired her courage, the thought of actually sending her off made him uneasy.
Partly because she was one of his cherished pupils, but it was also because, considering her skills, he needed her right here under his command.
Especially with how much busier things would become.
“Well… why not ask His Excellency the Commander yourself while you’re there?”
So he passed the matter on to the commander.
Seeing that the approval had not gone through, it was clear the commander was aware of the shortage of medical staff—so he hoped that, in his stead, the commander would keep Asili stationed here.
***
No matter what, a mere military doctor could not simply meet the commander without an appointment.
With the air raid and emergency alert still in effect, the commander’s schedule was surely packed.
Part of her hoped—rather carelessly—that he might keep postponing it under the excuse of being busy and let the matter fade away. Yet at the same time, the thought of seeing him again stirred something within her.
Whatever her true feelings, her feet moved steadily, and before long, she arrived in front of Jude’s office.
“Oh? What brings a doctor all the way here?”
Felix, who had been sitting lazily at the desk outside the commander’s office with his legs swinging, jumped to his feet.
Seeing Asili’s face clearly now that she had removed her surgical mask, he was certain he had seen her before. His curiosity piqued, he studied her face before breaking into an easy smile.
"Hello.”
Recognizing him as the man who had followed Jude into the operating room, Asili greeted him.
He had a slender build and delicate features, yet his short-cropped hair clashed oddly with his refined appearance—
like a beautifully nobleman trying a bit too hard to look like a soldier.
“I’m Felix Hogan. His Excellency’s—no, His Excellency’s—adjutant.”
“I’m Asili Rosa.”
Since he hadn’t mentioned his rank, Asili hesitated over how to address him and settled for a light bow instead.
Then she turned her gaze toward the firmly shut door of the commander’s office.
“Is His Excellency occupied at the moment?”
“No. It just so happens that he has about ten minutes free before his next meeting.”
Nothing was going her way. Or, perhaps it was. She had hoped for at least a moment to compose herself, but Felix abruptly swung the door open.
Having been left with no choice, Asili straightened her doctor’s coat briefly and stepped inside with a tense expression.
Jude, still in the same neat uniform as the night before, was signing documents in a nonchalant manner.
Should she approach? Or greet him first?
They were simple decisions, yet she hesitated.
“Is he alive?”
Jude asked curtly without lifting his eyes from the documents. Startled, Asili steadied her breathing and faced him directly.
“Yes. We’ll need to monitor him, but he’s past the critical stage.”
“As long as he can talk, that’s enough. Treat him accordingly.”
Ah. He intended to interrogate him.
She realized it immediately, but wisely chose not to argue.
The attack that had occurred right after Jude arrived at the temporary headquarters had been suspiciously precise, even to someone like Asili, who wasn’t a soldier. There had been rumors that the headquarters might move, but this wasn’t the only candidate location.
So even among the medical staff, there had been whispers that the information must have leaked in advance.
Lost in thought, she suddenly noticed Jude lifting his head.
Their eyes met, and Asili flinched, meanwhile Jude only frowned briefly before returning to his indifferent expression.
"Why are you so quiet?”
“Pardon?”
“Your attitude is quite different from how you were in the operating room.”
“Treating the patient is my responsibility. What happens after discharge is not.”
Her authority and responsibility were limited to the hospital. Once a patient recovered and left, they were no longer under her care. So she answered calmly.
“How cold. You were so desperate to protect him in the operating room.”
“...”
As if finished with his paperwork, Jude closed the documents and set down his pen. A twisted smirk formed on his lips.
“I suppose that makes you useful—to our side.”
“...”
“So is that why you volunteered for the field hospital?”
“…I would like to know why the approval is being delayed.”
Seizing the moment, Asili asked.
Jude looked at her quietly for a moment, then let out a faint laugh.
“There are plenty of ways to take risks other than going to the front lines.”
“...”
“If my location has been exposed—which is highly likely—this place will soon become as dangerous as the front lines. And since I plan to use it as a base, patients will be pouring in nonstop.”
Leaning back leisurely in his chair, Jude clasped his hands together and rested them on his knee.
“With this air raid, quite a few medical staff have already been lost. We’re at the point where we’d even borrow a cat’s paws if we could. There’s no way I’d approve sending manpower away. Anything else?”
“I came to apologize for my rudeness in the operating room the other day…”
“I don’t need apologies you don’t mean. Anything else?”
“…No. Thank you for your time.”
Asili bowed her head and turned to leave.
“Asili.”
At the quiet voice from behind, her heart dropped deep into her chest.
That low voice, which still sounded pleasant in her ears, the one she had longed for.
As if drawn by a magnet, Asili slowly turned around.
“Congratulations, on becoming the proper doctor you always wanted to be.”
A faint smile rested on his face as he looked at her.
Ah… so he remembered her.
For a fleeting moment, Asili was swept into hazy memories, and her eyes stung.
She even felt a sense of relief—because to him, it had become a past he could brush off with a casual smile.
But that feeling lasted only for a moment.
“You became a doctor in exchange for selling me out.”
Because you took money from my mother and left me.
Abandoned without even knowing why, he had wandered in pain for a long time—only to find the answer unexpectedly close to him.
For something as trivial as money, because she wanted to attend that prestigious medical school, she had so easily given him up.
And for that woman, there had once been a time when he had been willing to throw away his status, his position—everything.
“So at the very least, I have the right to expect something from your skills, right?”
“...”
His words carved into Asili’s chest, and her heart plummeted once again.
Her face drained of all color, and her lips pressed tightly together.
The price of breaking her promise to him.
The price of selling him out.
The price of betraying him.
Even the faint color left in her pale face disappeared. Before long, Asili lowered her head. Though she wasn’t looking at him, it felt as if his gaze pierced her like cold, sharp thorns.
In the silence that followed, Asili clasped her trembling hands tightly. She wanted to say something, basically anything, but she didn’t know if she was even allowed to, even if it wasn’t an excuse.
Jude looked at her, who was biting her lip without saying anything, then turned his head away with a cold expression.
“You may leave now.”
Exactly ten minutes. Ten minutes Felix had mentioned had passed.
Without managing even a single word of explanation, Asili left his office in a daze.
The curious gazes of the officers entering for Jude’s next meeting brushed past her, but she did not acknowledge all of them.
***
The moment she returned, Asili grabbed a handful of charts piled on one side of the main station.
The image of Jude’s icy blue eyes filled with contempt kept resurfacing in her mind, and she needed something to focus on.
“Did you get scolded a lot, Doctor?”
Not long after, a worried voice came from beside her, and Asili lifted her head. It was Jenny, holding charts arranged in order for the upcoming rounds.
“You don’t have any color in your face. It looks like you got in serious trouble.”
“No, it wasn’t like that.”
“I suppose so. I heard the commander doesn’t really raise his voice a lot. But they say just one look from him is enough to freeze you to death—so it’s better to get scolded instead. Is that true?”
“It is.”
“Eek—!”
At the sudden voice of a man, Jenny jumped in fright. Clutching her chest and speechless, she stared as Felix raised a hand apologetically.
Asili was just as startled.
It had only been minutes since Felix had casually seen her off from the commander’s office, and she hadn’t expected to run into him again so soon.
“Sir Felix? What is it?”
“I was hoping you could spare a moment, Doctor Asili. There’s a patient I’d like you to see urgently.”
“A patient? Where? Are they conscious?”
“Oh, very much conscious—but they’re stubbornly insisting they don’t need treatment, which makes things quite difficult.”
Asili’s hand, which had been reaching for her medical bag inside the main station, paused midair.
A patient troublesome enough for Felix himself to come and fetch a doctor. That meant they were not just an ordinary soldier, but someone of considerable rank.
It could be another officer—but Felix was, as everyone knew, Jude’s adjutant.
Her hand, hovering in the air, finally grasped the medical bag, but the trembling filled with unease would not stop.
“Um… Mr. Felix. Could it be that the patient is—”
“That’s right. His Excellency the Commander. So could you hurry?”
***
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