TPOP 138

Chapter 138

***

"Should we tighten security throughout the Dortes region, Your Majesty?"

Pierre’s anxious voice drifted faintly over the echoes in his head. The reality surrounding him brought Felix back to his senses.

“Public sentiment among the Kairam settlers is also unfavorable. The rioters’ cause—‘Let’s protect the Spring blessed by the Spirit’—is spreading rapidly, so it would be safer to station far more troops in Kairam and Mepen than we have now....”

Pierre, who had been speaking hurriedly, fell silent when he met a pair of flashing eyes.

Felix, who had silenced the knight with a single glance, issued a firm command.

“No, leave the security in Mepen as it is for now. Just maintain it at a level that isn’t too lax. Deploy the standing army only to the northern border and put them on emergency standby.”

If troops from the homeland were moved here, there was no telling how Diana would react. She had been visibly shaken by nothing more than a single scream echoing through Mepen. If Imperial troops were stationed throughout Dortes, she might never set foot outside that damned royal castle again.

And she’d cry again. With that heart-wrenching expression, just like today. The moment he saw her tears, his heart, which had sunk to his heels, tightened with a chilling grip.

Diana had seen right through him. He could no longer recklessly destroy the things she held dear. The actions he had once carried out without a second thought now bound his hands and feet and choked him.

The only thing that mattered to Felix now was that Diana would no longer act in ways he couldn’t predict—that was all. If she were to slip away to some other part of the world, he would have to track her down all over again from the very beginning.

But if he were to leave the rioters unchecked, it was clear that Karman’s control over Dortes would gradually weaken. Karman’s hesitant response to actions bordering on rebellion was tantamount to handing an opportunity to neighboring nations. It was a difficult dilemma.

Even if troops were dispatched from Grenia, it would take at least half a month to reach Dortes. He had to pull Diana back out of that Spring within that time.

“Seal off Kairam completely, and maintain the current status quo in Mepen for the time being. Show no mercy to the rioters—execute them immediately and dump their bodies outside Mepen. As an example... somewhere out of sight of the royal palace.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

Pierre gave a crisp salute and left the commander’s office. Felix leaned back on the sofa where the canvas lay and tilted his head back.

His right hand—which Diana had ultimately refused to hold—throbbed. The fingers, left untreated ever since he’d been struck by the spirit’s power in the royal palace’s audience chamber, now wouldn’t budge no matter how hard he tried. Even so, as always, the pain was vague.

“I never want to see you again.”

The focus slipped from Felix’s eyes as he stared at the ceiling. Instead of the rough wood grain of the temporary command post, his vision filled with her wheat-colored hair, fluttering against the backdrop of the setting sun.

Felix suddenly realized something. Since finding Diana here, he had never once held her in his arms.

And perhaps he never would—not even for all eternity.

“That won’t do.”

His throat felt as if it were burning with thirst. With the canvas right beside him, the thirst felt even more intense. He wanted to grab whatever was at hand—a pencil or a brush—and just start scribbling, but the moment he remembered his own inability to draw even a single straight line, his mind went blank.

As he flailed his hand, it brushed against a bottle sitting on the side table next to the sofa. The bottle was filled to the brim. He pulled out the cork and put his mouth to the opening; the hard liquor gushed out in a torrent. Even as his throat burned, his thirst didn’t subside easily.

Why on earth have I let myself fall apart like this? Felix tossed aside the bottle he’d emptied in an instant and laughed in disbelief. Even that maniacal burst of laughter quickly faded. He roughly splashed water on his face.

In the end, he hadn’t managed a single proper “conversation” while facing Diana. He’d been too hasty. Right, it wasn’t about hanging Ormance’s brat. He now clearly understood that Diana found his entire approach utterly repulsive.

‘So how do I undo this?’

Just as he had failed to give Diana any answer, a way to undo it seemed equally out of reach. Felix recalled the disillusionment overflowing from Diana’s eyes. It would have been better if those eyes had been empty. It was a blessing that he hadn’t recognized it even when it was right in front of him.

The sight of those pale green eyes—reflecting nothing but himself—filled with nothing but pain and resentment… Ah.

In the end, what he had dreaded imagining—and refused to imagine—was actually happening.

“Why didn’t you give me the antidote? You could have gotten it anywhere if you’d just wanted to.”

“Why did you lock me up, treating me like a woman who’s only good for the bedroom… Why did you treat me that way?”

No matter how much he thought about it, there was only one answer. Because he loved her.

Love, love? Felix suddenly thought the word sounded very strange.

“Didn’t you know that treating someone that way could kill them at any moment?”

Is my love driving you to your death?

He felt suffocated. How did one breathe again? No, think. Let me think... The words burst out incoherently as he pressed his lips together.

“I don’t want to kill you.”

That went for Diana, of course, and also for the being that had briefly taken root inside her.

When he found out that Diana had been pregnant and lost the child. When he first saw her collapsed, bleeding between her legs... what did he feel then? He did realize that something had become irreversible.

He certainly didn’t feel any particular regret for that being, which had undoubtedly taken root from his seed. However, he did feel a slight sense of regret. After all, it was a part of Diana, so if it had fully grown inside her and come into the world, it would undoubtedly have been a baby as beautiful and perfect as an angel. Felix had always been generous toward beautiful things.

Above all, if she had been pregnant, Diana wouldn’t have had a moment to turn her attention to the outside world. Perhaps she would have come to like his country even more than her beloved hometown. In that regard, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of regret.

Since his anxiety ultimately stemmed from Diana’s longing for the world, there were only two options, then as now. Either eliminate the place Diana wanted to go, or give her a new world. In the past, he could have done both. There was no reason his empire should be inferior to the springs of Dortes or Balestega. His decision to seat a blind woman of humble Hilde origin on the imperial throne was not merely a whim.

Felix had chosen to call it love, but Diana had insisted it was not. Why? How could it not be? You have to tell me.

If I want to hold you again, what must I do...

“I never want to see you again.”

Don’t abandon me like this.

Don’t abandon me, Diana.

The moment that agonizing longing was encapsulated in a single sentence, Felix stormed out of the temporary command center.

***

“Diana, you don’t look well at all.”

Elliot spoke up with concern. Thanks to the spirits’ devoted care and the power of purification, the boy had regained his strength just half a day after collapsing.

Though he couldn’t hear the spirits’ voices, a force as fierce as a gale led Elliott somewhere. At the entrance to the royal palace, in front of a large pond now overgrown with willows and thickets, Diana was there. She was crouched beneath a tree, hugging her knees with both arms and burying her face in them.

“Diana?”

Elliot thought she was crying, but upon looking again, he realized she wasn’t. Diana had her head bowed low and was muttering something to herself.

“Grenia, Delos, Lelon… Yeah, I get it. I’ll be especially careful with Grenia. But we still need Grenia’s power to drive out Karman. Right now, Grenia is the only kingdom capable of standing up to the Empire.... I know we can’t just stay like this.... Leaving here would be the safest option—and I want to leave right this very moment—but this is my parents’ country. It has to be this land. I have to protect it, so... yeah....”

Listening closely, Elliott realized Diana was having a conversation with someone. Her back, as she muttered to herself compulsively, looked so frail it seemed as if it might break at any moment.

“…I’m scared. What if he comes back? You’ll stop him, right? Yeah, I won’t cry…”

When Elliott made a cautious sound to signal his presence, Diana looked up with a start.